I haven’t posted in a long time, and I think it’s about time I start again. Tumblr has changed from when I first started posting, and that’s what drew me away. I don’t care if I lose or gain followers, I still need a place to type out my frustrations. So here we go…
I last left you in the heat of my freshman year of college, I’m now a “fully aged sophomore man” and obviously still in love with 80’s movies. I moved out of the dorms and into my own townhouse with two friends on the edge of Old Town. The friendships and relationships I created last year did not fare well over the summer months. I lost all but a few, and with my shy demeanor have not gained any new ones. Since last time I spent a summer tucked away for reality in the high mountains of Boulder teaching kids how to swim and kayak, and I finally declared my anthropology major.
This summer helped me decided what I truly want in life, and I’ve honestly became a better person. But I’ve also become a more shut in, distracted, and alone person suffering into further depths of my disorder. Even right now I am procrastinating my final paper for the only class I had in watershed this semester.
I used to complain a lot about having trust issues and a huge fear of commitment. I still do, but I have passed on the notion of needing to be in a relationship. With those fears I have realized I hate relationships. I like that I am free to be on my way without explanation of my actions to anyone. I’m told I’m just a cynic about the situation and take a very pessimistic view to the whole situation, I have yet to be proven wrong.
Recently I’ve had thoughts about going back on my medication. It’s been tougher to get through days, and living off campus makes it far easier to stay in and do nothing but sleep. It’s become easier for me to skip class and miss assignments. I like my education, but I’m lacking all ambition to even move at times.
I finally got my mermaid scale tattoo, a long awaited and much needed relief at this moment. The tattoo has helped me channel my passion, and the painful process has helped me alleviate some stress. I am a fish out of water, and once I get my head in the right place my degree and career will reflect that as well.
There is an internship I found that will take me to work with water resources in Africa. I will be applying and I will hopefully be in Africa in the next few summers. I learned this summer that that is what I want to do. I believe that if I can be helping people, and thinking about others I won’t have time to be wallowing in my own disorder and worrying about my own life.
And if I don’t pass this watershed class I won’t ever be able to get there. So until next time…
