On November 7th, 2007 my big brother Kris sat me at the dining room table and told me he had some sad news.

In our family no one really talked to relatives. I blame my dad’s own alienation from his family and his efforts to alienate my mother’s family. After many years divorced and another heart surgery in the family my dad’s older brother Eric decided to contact the family. No one had any real desire to try the reverse efforts after his missed call.

I however, have always wanted to know my family and have a relationship with more than just those immediate. After his initial call I tried to contact Eric. In the following years, about 2005 on, we talked periodically. In 2006, and 2007 I called more often and created a significant relationship with my uncle. I called regularly and learned a lot about my family, my dad, and life in general.

When Kris sat me down I had no idea what could have happened. He started the conversation by telling me that my grandmother called my dad. I was still confused. He then finished with the news that she called to tell him Eric had passed away.

Other than my maternal grandmother’s passing the summer before I had never experienced death. No one as close to me had ever passed and at 15 I wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. I just cried.

The next day I posted a blog to partially release some of the pain.

“Only months after his 47th birthday. I knew him better than my own father, he sounded the same though. I’m going to miss him so much. He was the best uncle anyone could ask for. I learned a lot about my family, and about my dad’s childhood. I’m sad he passed, but I’m even more sad I won’t be able to go to his funeral. If anyone has a spare 400 dollars they would love to use to buy me a plane ticket to California, I would love you for forever. I will always miss you Uncle Eric, and you’ll always be in my heart. I love you.”

Eric Daniel Kecskes was cremated and buried in a family plot in Muskegon, Michigan. His obituary ran in a San Jose newspaper.

“Eric Daniel Kecskes Passed away Nov. 7, 2007 at his home after a long illness. He was born Sept. 11, 1960 at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Orange County. A 41 year resident of San Jose. He is survived by his mother Midge Kecskes, one sister Deborah of Muskegon, MI., one brother Bill of San Jose. Grandparents Herbert (Virginia) Mackenzie and Margaret (Kenneth) Mackenzie all of Muskegon, MI., 2 nieces Phylicia K. of Colorado, Carrie Puksta of Washington, 4 nephews Kristopher and Trevor K. of Colorado, Mathew and Michael P. of Washington, aunts, uncles and cousins. He was preceded in death by his Father Joseph K. and brother Greg P.”

Each year I remember his passing as just another anniversary. Each year I had school to block out the pain of it being another year, but in 2010 November 7th ran on a Saturday. A Saturday during the first semester of my freshman year of college. All the milestones I had faced in the three years he had been gone piled up, and it hit me hard that he wasn’t there for me to tell him. I felt like he didn’t know what was going on in my life. And that hurt much more than the years passing.

I had shed many tears in time for stressful days that I knew talking to him would help, boring nights when I usually called, and again milestones he couldn’t experience with me. His picture and funeral announcement sit framed above my head board, and reading the statement, however generic and however true still gets me teary.

“God saw he was getting tired and a cure was not to be. So he put his arms around him and whispered, come with me. With tearful eyes we watched him suffer and saw him fade away. Although we loved him dearly, we could not make him stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard hands to rest. God broke our hearts to prove to us he only takes the best.”

Accompanying the frame is a crochet angel made by my great aunt, his aunt.

He is forever memorialized in my ocean wave, forever in my music. He spent most of his life in California as well as playing water polo and swimming. Our connection was water, and will always be. For me the Pacific Ocean is more than just the ocean it is me and my late Uncle Eric. Rest In Peace, until next time I love you.