The end of Christmas break is coming in hard and fast. Only a week left and I haven’t done anything productive at all. I was sick the first week, perma-high the next, drunk the third, and here we stand. I didn’t even finish the scarf I was knitting for my friend’s Christmas present, and her visit has long passed.

   I have been trying not to let my brain wonder too much this break, free time causes anxiety for me. I tend to over think everything even things that have never nor will ever happen. Hence the anxiety. I tend to always dwell on the far future, where I’ll be in my career, how my little sister will see me when she graduates high school [that’s still ten years off, I won’t be 30 when she graduates now because my little genius skipped a grade], if I’ll get the internship to the Ute reservation, if I’ll get the internship to Kenya, how many years will it take to graduate, where I would be if I wasn’t in Colorado.

   A girl I worked with this summer and my older sister both suffer from what I like to call “Getting the fuck out of Colorado” disorder. I’ve loved living in Colorado my whole life, I think it’s a beautiful state. But lots of other people who’ve lived here there whole lives can’t stand being here one second longer. For a long time I didn’t understand it. Hannah always babbled about living in all these other states, and doing all these other things and just getting out of Colorado. I always planned to stay here forever. Even back when I wanted to be a teacher I wanted to teach at my old elementary school. I never wanted to leave. After writing a letter talking about my Africa internship and career goals I realized I suffer from a less severe “Getting the fuck out of Colorado” disorder. In all these fantasies I have dreamt up in my head, I’m far from Colorado. I’ve lived here my whole life but every time I imagine my future, I’m not in Colorado.

   After such an uneventful break, and such a shitty semester, I can only hope that the pieces will start falling into place and just like all of my plans I will be where I want to be when I want to be.