For the second time in less than a year plans to see my grandmother have fallen through. I haven’t seen her since I was 5 and she’s not in the best health. I don’t know if the next time I see her will be the last, and I can’t even see her.

         The relationship I entered into in November is still going as planned, but the stronger feelings I grow the more I’m going to get hurt in the long run and I’d much rather be in udder pain maybe a year or two from now then not be with him.

          I lack all motivation for school because I simply hate one subject and am no good at it. I gone basically laterally in my studies, and I tell everyone school is going far better than I expected. It’s actually going worse.

          I love my job, but right now I’d much rather work than go to class because I don’t enjoy my schedule this semester and money is more important right now.

          I left many friends when I moved for school and I found out this weekend it was harder to leave one of them than I had ever thought. I missed her more than I realized, and soon she’ll be gone (moving to another state) and I won’t be able to see her as much.

          I realized in recent times that I suck at making friends because I am so much better off on my own. I was fucked over as a little kid that I know how to be a loner, and that’s all I know. But society has fucked me over to want long last friendships. I don’t know how to do both.

          I know what I want to do with my life, but I have no idea how I’m getting there.